There's quite a bit that goes unsaid in an online dating profile that probably shouldn't. Dating profiles and honesty don't always go hand in hand.
Everyone wants to put their best foot forward, but, often what you don't see beneath the upscale footwear is a sharp case of Gout or Athletes foot.
Although, in most cases, I was able to draw something from the experience it's not always a lesson you can apply elsewhere.
Note to self: Single, Southern gal with great abs. Loves water and the outdoors= 800 lb American Crocodile.
Not that you didn't have a good time, but, there's only so far your the relationship can blossom before the circle of life intrudes.
I guess it always catches me a little off guard because I'm expecting my luck to turn around.
"Ok, I made it through alright. Next time I'll just ask if she has a history of demonic possession!"
But, as any truly entertaining field tends to be, it's always blooming with the joys of originality and an unexpected awareness.
I am, by no means, a picky man.
What I may freely exchange in physical appearances ranges anywhere from an acceptable criminal record to the fact she's given up chewing tobacco...almost entirely. And, maybe that's not the blushing bride I envisioned in my youth, but, there's a lot I wasn't willing to accept about Bikers back then.
And, maybe she didn't mention the Female pattern baldness or the battleship tattoo, but, then again: maybe you didn't ask either.
I have to admit: Given the number of attractive, personable, and completely grounded individuals online quite a bit of my misfortune is just dumb luck.
Not every date ends with a sigh of relief, two aspirin, or a rabies vaccine.
The most important thing to remember is just to keep your head up.
Here in the Electronic age we seem to often take things for granted. Life isn't always as simple as Online shopping. You can't just find the perfect match the way you would a Family calling plan. You're dealing with an assortment of real people with quirks just as kaleidoscopically vibrant as the Internet itself.
It's not like it was when our parents were dating. Back then they relied heavily on the fine art of personal interaction before asking someone on a date.
And, sure, maybe things like Gigantism and knuckle hair never caught them off guard, but, when you're playing field is the size of table top: Nothing does.
So, I guess I should be thankful.
Maybe my stories have a little more flavor than any one cook would care for. And, maybe I've cried after more than one date.
But, none the less, when it's all said and done I have the advantage of breadth and experience.
Dating profiles and honesty may not always be joined at the hip, but, it has been entertaining in ways you don't often expect.
Maybe someday all the awkward coffee dates, fumbled interactions, tales of woe, and searching with prove worth it.
Maybe the story ends with the words "I love you" or an exchange of how we finally found each other.
But, until then I have taken comfort in the fact that my efforts yield the probability of eventual fortune.
That someday, given the odds, I may yet find that perfect someone.
And, until then, at the very least, it seems to be keeping my friends entertained.