Why won't he commit to a relationship with me?

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Answered by: Kanda, An Expert in the Advice for Dating Category
Why won't he commit?! If you are a female and over the age of 14, there is every chance in the world that you've either pondered this fact to a friend, or had them ponder it to you (and by ponder, I mean incoherently whimpered while trying to blow your nose). Well, there are two reasons why he won't commit to you: he is either unable to commit, or he simply does not want to commit to you.Is he a commitment-phobe? We hear about commitment-phobic men in the media, and there are a number of self-help books about them available. Trying to convince a commitment-phobe to commit is as pointless as a chocolate teapot. Men who cannot commit have legitimate psychological issues that prevent them from truly letting another human being into their lives. These are not bad men who enjoy luring hapless females in, just to crush their hearts into a fine powder. Most men who are afraid of commitment consciously believe they want a loving, genuine relationship. There are many valid reasons why some men have this issue, however, they are the only ones who can fix it.

The love a good woman is not going to magically make a commitment-phobe's psychological problem disappear. Some signs that you are dating a commitment-phobe: he lost interest in you the minute you were hooked, he is 40-years-old and has never been in a serious relationship or he makes all your plans together at the last minute. The bottom line is that you could be the most beautiful, brilliant, sexy, feminine woman in the world, but he'll never give you the commitment you deserve. The wisest action for any woman who is dating a commitment-phobe is to forget about him, it's not worth the effort - nor the Kleenex.Or, maybe he just doesn't want to commit to you. There are many reasons why this might be the case. For instance, he might be nursing a broken heart and he is not emotionally ready to move on yet. If this is the case, you are the rebound, and everyone knows that rebound relationships never end well. Another reason is he might like someone better, and doesn't want to chance losing her by committing to you. There is nothing you can do about this situation either, take the high road and move on with your life.

Maybe you are too pushy, and you are pressuring him to move faster than he is comfortable. Do you call him or text him dozens of times throughout the day with little to no response? Have you told him you love him after two dates? After one month of dating, have you picked out your wedding dress and the names of your 2.5 kids - and then told him about it? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you are lucky if he is still talking to you. Nobody, male or female, is going to be comfortable with that level of intensity. Men are biologically programmed to chase women, so let him! If he texts you, don't text him back with a rundown of every thought you had and action you made throughout the day. Send him a short, but pleasant, response - then put your phone down!

There are many reasons why a man either can't or won't give you the relationship you want. Most reasons have absolutely nothing to do with you, so try not to take them personally. You can't fix a man's psychological problems, nor can you force a man to love you. The best thing you can do is worry less about him, and how he feels about you, and worry more about you, and how you feel about yourself. Don't put your friends through the dreaded "why won't he commit to me?" phone call ever again. Instead, concentrate on fulfilling your dreams and enriching your own life, and I promise, the second you aren't looking the right guy will find you.

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