Finding true love?

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Answered by: Sumoa, An Expert in the Advice for Dating Category
Will I ever find true love?

Are you tired of getting fooled by love? Are you wondering... Will I ever find true love for me? Maybe you’ve just giving up on love completely. I think I can help with a little advice that might give you a total different view on finding true love… The advice I’m giving applies to both women and men, so guys don’t be too quick to brush me off. Here are a few simple steps that I will breakdown that should send you on a more positive experience in finding true love. Step 1: Understanding boundaries in a relationship

I have to start here, because a lot of boundaries are crossed in a relationship in the very beginning. So many people cross their limits and neither party are aware of it until it’s too late. Look at how our great-grand parents grew old together, but it’s so common now a day for it to be a one parent household. To understand boundaries is to understand that there are 6 levels in relationships. When you ignore these levels and act out of impulse, you have a big chance at failing and asking that same sad question... Will I ever find true love for me?

Level I: Mutual AttractionMutual attraction is not as simple as you think. It’s easy to have common attraction with someone that you meet. The key is learning to be able to distinguish your common interest. Some people only common interest might be sex, but one party involved don’t understand that and try and make it more than what it is. So if you’re looking for a relationship do not act in a physical way period! Take the attraction for what it is and see where it goes. This is the time to find out what are your common interest to see if it’s even worth going to the next level (You actually can find this out within a couple of phone calls). Mutual attraction varies in time periods; it really depends on the two individuals involved. Remember, do not get physical period!

Level II: Courting

This level is overlooked or moved through quickly. Courting is so important. This is when you truly find out if this person is the one for you. You find out the things both of you like and see if you’re both willing to compromise to adjusting each other lifestyles to accommodate the courtship. If you can’t see eye to eye then it would be easier to break from this point. On the positive note if you do click, this is the point when both parties are the most opened minded about each other, so make sure you be yourself and be honest. Just take your time and learn each other interest and if both parties are comfortable you can meet a friend or two of each others. Courting should last at least 4 to 8 weeks if you’re looking for a serious relationship. Still do not get physical yet!

Level III: Dating

Dating has really declined lately. It is so important to date! To go out and actually see each other in different surroundings so you can see how the other reacts in unfamiliar environments. This is the time to meet each other family and children if you have any. Dating should consist of both parties stepping into the others world and learning to adapt. Dating should last for at least 4 weeks, depending on the consistency.

Level IV: Intimacy

Intimacy is the emotional tie that the partners have for one another. Are you ready for that first kiss? That intimate touch… Here’s the time to take it to another level. Never forget to talk. When we get physical in a relationship, we tend to stop expressing ourselves to one another. Tell them what you like and what you expect from them. Also ask them what do they like and what do they expect from you. Be opened minded about their wants and needs, but never neglect yours. Share a lot of quite time with each other in this part of the relationship, because once the relationship matures and the both of you get comfortable quality time tends to fade. Allow yourself to open up and talk about your desires and your fears. To be vulnerable is to build trust.

Step 2: Forming a relationship

The last two levels are what step two is all about, ‘Forming a relationship’. Once you’re on an intimate level and still maintaining a mutual attraction, bonding, commitment and love comes next; it is the main key to forming a solid relationship. Both parties have to be willing to combine each other’s lifestyle and come up with a mutual agenda. Make sure you have common goals and have the same outlook on your perspective in life. Both parties also have to be willing to commit. Committing is about ‘sealing the deal’. If both parties are not willing to commit then someone will be on the losing end. It is so important for the both of you to share your standards and what you are not willing to accept from the other. Never assume that the other person should already know. It’s best to be honest in the very beginning; honest and trust is vital. You’ll be more willing to sacrifice yourself to the other if you trust one another.

Level V: Bonding

Bonding is another level that is normally overlooked. To give an example on how to bond I’d rather give examples on how you know you’re not bonding… If either party feel more comfortable expressing their feelings with others than with each other, in your free time you hang out more with your friends than with each other, if you haven’t properly met the family, if you do not know each other’s full names and basic back ground, if either of you is dating someone else… These are a few of many signs that you are not bonding. To bond in a relationship it starts with trust and sacrifice. If both parties are not willing to trust each other and sacrifice time and compassion then someone will be on the losing end. Both parties also have to feel comfortable to communicate and express their feelings to one another; that’s the only way to get a true understanding on how the other feels so you can come to some neutral base so you can further progress in the relationship. Speak up (but do not be rude and disrespectful) and express yourself. Also take the time out and listen and be opened minded.

Level VI: Commitment & Love

Commitment is about mutual respect, trust and maintaining an understanding. Respect is about considering the other person’s feelings. No one wants their feelings hurt especially when they’re being vulnerable and trying to keep an opened mind. It’s really hard to trust someone who has no consideration for your feelings. That’s why it’s so important to come to a mutual understanding about what type of standards you hold concerning a relationship. If there is something that does not meet your standards that you feel will eventually surface further into the commitment, now is the time to express yourself so it will not come back and rear its ugly head. Once you have a mutual understanding it’ll be easier to trust one another, which forms a solid commitment.

To love is to sacrifice; period. If both parties are not willing to compromise then you’re wasting your time. Healthy love is a selfless act. That’s why it’s so important to truly get to know one another before you even consider any form of serious commitment. Love is like going into business together. Would you really go into business with someone and you hardly know anything about them? I didn’t think so. You have to really know and understand your partner to know what they like and what they don’t like… To know what motivates them… To know what really makes them happy. You also have to be willing to please them and sacrifice a lot of yourself to that individual; and vice-versa. Make sure that person is willing to do the same for you, because to make this type of sacrifice to an unworthy person is just foolish. That’s why I have to say it again… You have to communicate and make sure you have an understanding about your wants and your standards within the relationship. If you can accomplish this form of trust, then love shall be a beautiful thing.

Step 3: Maintaining a relationship

Once you have found love it is so important to maintain it. Just like a flower, a relationship needs certain things to keep it nourished and growing. If you fail to provide these things, it will wither away. Communication is the heartbeat of the relationship; I cannot stress this enough. You cannot understand the other if you do not communicate. Listening is 50% of communicating. If you do not listen to your mate you cannot understand their needs and desires.

Privacy is another factor in maintaining a relationship. Keep your family and friends out of your business; both of you! You are in a relationship with one another, not everybody else. Bad advice plays a vital role in a lot of break-ups. What works for them might not work for you. Trust yourself and your own judgment. You’re the one that’s investing time and commitment in this relationship, not everybody else. You have a problem, talk to your mate about it. Never leave a conversation unfinished. And if you do, do not put others in your business and you haven’t resolved it with your mate yet. Never yell when you’re talking and always be opened minded about what your mate says; even if you don’t agree. We all have room for improvement.

Be positive. Compliment your partner, encourage their interest, give them constructive criticism when needed (but don’t be too harsh; no one likes to be kicked when their down). Never force yourself on your partner. Everyone needs some alone time, so respect your partner if they want to reflect by themselves.

Another thing is, never put others before your partner. And never allow your partner to put others before you. Your family and friends that means you well will understand. Think about it… Your relationships with your family and friends should be solid. You have already built a solid bond with them, so they should respect your relationship and allow you to build a solid bond with your partner.

Last but not least is affection. Do not lose the affection in your relationship. Always compliment your partner and give some kind of warm gesture towards them. Tell them you love them so they will feel comfortable expressing their feelings to you. Try to do romantic things, even if it’s just a quiet, candle lit picnic on your living room floor.

I hope this advice works for you. Feel free to ask a question and rate me. Thank you.

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